Truth.

"Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese." --Benny & Joon

Summer Schedule

My left shoulder hurts a lot. Why? I couldn't tell you. It's more like an ache but it's there and it is very irritating.

Today I had lunch with a friend and one of her friends. Sometimes I don't feel like myself and during lunch I didn't feel like myself. I felt extremely uncomfortable and I don't like that feeling. How many more times can I say feel? (that was a rhetorical question)

My days have been spent at the library, Starbucks or work. It's great. I sleep until 10 or 11, I shower, get some food in my belly and then either A) go to the library and read, B) go to the library and read at Starbucks, or C) go straight to Starbucks, do not pass the library, do not collect $200. The best part? When I start my math class it won't cut into my library time-- only my work time and though that isn't so great, I'd prefer that over my library time any day. This summer is going to be chill. Lots of reading. This might not seem like a good way to spend the summer and yes, I know, I look like a loser but I don't care. I have 9 months of reading to catch up on and I'm already 2 books down, 2 books 1/2 down and a library full to go. I fully expect the librarians to know my name by the end of the summer.

Tomorrow I don't have to work! Yes!

Um. This next statement won't make sense but I need to say it and I need you, Cyberspace, to hear it: I WANT TO SEE HIM WITHOUT A HAT!!! I NEED TO SEE HIM WITHOUT A HAT!!!!!!!!!!! Hm. Thanks, Digital Obis, for always being there to listen to me.


Carmen.

Down Towards the Healing

My body is finally starting to heal. That raw blister from the screw gun is no longer a gooey mess (sorry for the visual). My bruises are gaining color, but this is just a sign of it's inevitable return to pasty white. I'm not sore; that's great. It's cool that my body will take control and repair what has been broken/damaged.

I like the way my toes look after I remove nail polish. Really, nothing can beat clean, plain toes.

My stomach is hungry to the point of pain but I have no desire to eat.

I'm going to the library. I'm going to return the books I borrowed for my papers and pick up a book just for the love of it. Not because I need to do so, but because my eyes refuse to take in educational words and will only respond to recreational reading.

Mother's Day. I love my mom. What should I get for her....?

I love hitting the spellcheck button and have "No misspellings found" pop up.


Carmen.

Manic Depressive.

School is over but I still feel stressed and worried. Why? I couldn't tell you. Actually, I can a little.

• A friend is having a hard time. Things keep happening to him. I don't know what to say. I'm not good with advice, I can't volunteer anything, so I just sit there. All I can do is sympathize with him and all I can think to do is hug him. What do I have to offer? Nothing. That's why I'm down and out. I want to make him feel better. Things keep happening and I can't do anything.
• Pathetic Carmen Time: I'm single. I get in these bouts at times and I'm in one.
• Money is super tight and that is a huge contributor to my stress.
• I'm kind of jealous of a certain person's situation and I don't like this. I'm not the jealous type-- but this also has to do with those bouts I get at times.
• Stupid Facebook won't load!
• I'm stupid. Things happen and I don't take advantage of them.
• His voice is gorgeous.
• I'm stuck with a person I don't want to be stuck with. Ever.

Today I was feeling great. I was out of an exam in 10 minutes. I had my last exam today which means school is over. I don't have to do anything tomorrow except sleep and get coffee. I was doing pretty well but then somewhere it changed and I feel a miniature version of sadness. I don't like it and I don't know what to do about it.

Carmen.

Cleanliness is next to nothing. --Miracle Worker

CRAZY.

That's it. That is the word that explains this next week. Not just crazy, but capitalized and periodized (that isn't a word, by the way, in case you were confused-- but it's the only word that explains the punctuation). It doesn't require an exclamation point because this isn't a yell; it doesn't require multiple exclamation points because that is repetition of the worst variety-- it's like the people who thinks it's necessary to add extra letters, i.e. loveeeeeeeeeeeee. What? A silent e in repetition? What's the point? There is none. That is the exact reason why I no longer like chatting on IM because careless people throw an abundance of letters into words that make me angry and if this anger can be avoided, I avoid it.

I've been teching for Miracle Worker these past two weeks+ and today was the last show. The last show means strike. Strike is the destruction of three weeks of work. The stage gets torn apart with hard work and lots of anger. I love working with my hands. Sometimes I forget about this. I love the way I feel with a screw gun. I love telling inexperienced kids to take the flats to the truck. I love getting that one stubborn screw. I love that blister/sore I get on my knuckle from the removal of screws. I love the jello feeling I get after exerting too much energy. It's just great. Everyone should try it. Strike reminds me of why I'm majoring in theatre. If anyone wants to know why I love it, I'll invite you to the next strike and you'll see. There's a large chance that you'll hate it, but that's why you aren't majoring in production and design.

Tomorrow I write a five page paper on the geologic history of Loch Ness-- and yes, it is as interesting as it sounds.

Tuesday I take a health exam.

Wednesday I turn in the five page paper and present it to the class in five minutes.

Thursday I take Anthropology exam.

Friday I'm going to the beach in honor of no more classes. It was planned today and I fully intend to follow through.

Saturday-- Who cares because classes are over and I'll be free!!!! Er... at least until summer classes start.

Carmen.