Boy-Girl

I'm going to try to explain a situation without giving specific details because this particular story isn't mine to tell. However, I did play a roll in this story and will share the part I played-- maybe I'll even show a little depth into the person that is me.

Alright, this is the time that I can't give details but need you to understand the circumstances. Imagine any boy-girl situation, the type of situation that makes one vulnerable to the other. Actually, make it a potential boy-girl situation, the type of situation that makes one extremely vulnerable to the other.

Now, imagine being the "potential". Imagine being the one who stopped an important and prolonged conversation to become even more prolonged. I was the reason for the "potential". I happened to be at the location that this pair happened to be at and I became the reason why this situation never took place. Or, at least I was the device that brought this situation to a halt. I had no idea that this was the case until after one half of the boy-girl left and the other half explained what was supposed to have taken place if I were not there.

Guilt. A huge conversation was postponed because I was there. It's kind of daunting knowing that I caused a friend to continue to be ill at ease. I'm making my friend work up the courage once more be willingly vulnerable.

But then, I was reassured by said friend that he/she allowed me to be the reason he/she didn't have this particular conversation. That he/she wasn't very practiced at being at this end of the table. He/She was looking for reasons to put this off.

Anyway, my point, the depth that I said I would share: I don't know if I could do it. I don't know how two people can go from one type of relationship and go to a totally different one. I remember the word "pansy" was used when discussing the outcome of the evening but, honestly, I would not have been the one initiating the conversation these two people were to have. It makes me nervous just thinking about it. I would have been a pansy, too, and I probably would have continued to be a pansy. Everything would have been a reason not to have this talk. Everything would have been a sign: the fact that it rained, seeing people I knew, a crow, a child wearing a blue shirt, that I stubbed my toe, that I woke up on the right side of the bed instead of the left, that my next door neighbor said "Good morning" instead of "how are you". Everything.

I've never been in a situation when I've had to be very vulnerable.

And when it comes down to it, this person could be judged for pulling up a chair instead of leaving, for allowing me to be the distraction-- but, it takes balls to be that brave. To even consider allowing ones self to be open to be hurt and not knowing what the other person may say deserves a pat on the back.

So, Congratulations, boy-girl, may another opportunity come your way and may I not be there.


--Carmen