The Dark Side Usually Takes Over.

These days have been draining me to the point of feeling exhausted all the time. I can't even answer "How are you" without saying, "tired". I realized I'm always tired, stressed and dreading exams. This has made me wonder if I've been happy at all during this tired-stressed out-dread state of mind-- and the answer is yes; I have been happy and even though I have a constant knot inside my stomach from putting off my paper, I'm doing okay.

Ex. 1: My brother is my #1 favorite person on this planet. I miss him. For the first time in probably two months I got the chance today to see his face, sit on his smelly futon and watch anime clips off of YouTube. Even though this was only for a half an hour and I have zero desire watching anime, I was so happy and content. I never see him anymore and I don't like it. It makes me appreciate those few moments that I do get to spend with him. We sit and talk about my man-pants and look up swords on the internet. Sometimes he tells the longest stories that aren't interesting, but I miss that too. Maybe I'm sad and a little pathetic, but just seeing my brother and hanging out with him was the highlight of my week. I love him. It's too bad that we aren't as close as we could be.

Ex. 2: I love my sister just as much as my brother but in a completely different way. She's four years my senior and we don't have the same connection that I have with my brother (who is only a year older). I love my sister; we don't always get along but I wouldn't trade her for the world. Things have been getting rough for her and it's very unfortunate that there are people in this world who purposely hurt her. This doesn't settle well with me and I don't mess around with people who mess around with my family. I love them, no matter our differences, how angry we get with each other, or how much we do or don't talk. If you mess with my sister: meet me in the mall, it's going down. And, no, I'm not happy that she is in this situation but I am very happy that my family will come together and go to the mattresses for one another. We tight. My family is awesome.

Ex. 3: I don't always get along with my parents. I love them to death and I am actually very proud of them because I usually give them a rough time, but last night I just sat with them and talked. Not in a formal or uncomfortable way but... just hung out. I love my dad: he laughs at my jokes; I love my mom: she gives dad looks for eating too loudly. We're all pretty crazy and it feels like we hardly ever get along but there come some times when it's just natural. I love them a lot too.

Ex. 4: The library makes me very happy. I went on an adventure at school today and I discovered I love the school's library. There are probably only 5 novels (all by Tolkien) and then the other 3 floors are filled with books from the 60's. I just went wandering around and I felt cool. Maybe this makes me a massive nerd, but it's one of the greatest feelings. I just wandered around, bopping to an unknown tune in my head and looked at books about tattoos, weddings, vogue, decoding, suicide, and it was good. Hah. I really am a dork.

I'm not going to list anymore examples for I have realized that with all this dread there is a whole lot of positive. Okay, so I had to go to geology today but I also saw this guy with dreadlocks all the way to his bum. Good things happen all the time, I'm just too dumb to realize it.


If I could speak with the tongue of men and of angels
--Carmen